I’m going to try to write a novel in this blog. I have never written a novel. No matter. It doesn’t have to be a good novel. Few writers write a good novel on their first attempt. Might as well get the bad novel out of the way so I can move on to the next novel, which might be better.
Okay. So… Here we go.
I am not sure where to begin. Let’s say there are two people. They’re talking and doing something. That should be good for a chapter or two – stretch that out a bit.
Next, a third person does something to them. Ah ha! Suspense!
The first two people aren’t sure why the third person did something to them, so they go talk to a fourth person. The fourth person lives in a nice place. I will need a full chapter to describe that place.
Next chapter. (How many is that. 1,2, 3, 4, 5) Okay, Chapter 6. The fourth person can’t help them. The first two people learn that after some pretty heavy dialogue about a topic that will only matter later in the book. (The reader does not realize this yet.) The fourth person tells them to go see a fifth person. He will know for sure why the third person did something to them.
They go see the fifth person and learn that he is married to the third person!!! Oh no!!! What a FATEFUL TWIST. He says he doesn’t know that the third person (his wife) did anything at all to the first two people. They do not disagree. They just want to get out of his house RIGHT NOW. So they do that.
On the way home, during some real witty dialogue (written by me of course), they figure that the third person – she is going to learn from her husband, (the fifth person), that they were asking about her. She is also going to find out from the fourth person that they were asking about her. So they decide to call the fourth person and tell him the fifth person was the third person’s husband, because they are all cool and considerate and all that. His telephone is busy. They decide to go back to his really cool house, (that took a chapter to describe), but when they get there they find out that he is DEAD – murdered.
There is a note. (There is always a note.) But it is written in a foreign language they do not know. (There is always a foreign language.) So they look around the house looking for a clue when there is a knock on the front door. (There is always a knock on the front door.) They don’t know what to do. After a full page of delicious dialogue where they deliberate about what to do, they finally decide to answer the door. When they open the door, there standing in front of them is the last person they expected to see.
It is the sixth person! The sixth person sees the dead body. She sees the first two people standing in front of her. She starts screaming, turns and runs away. The first two people also scream, but they turn and run the other way, and out the back of the house where their Toyota, Mercedes, Maserati is parked.
Meanwhile, the second person has been busy. She now knows the first two people went to see the fourth person and then her husband. She decides that what she did to the first two people is NOTHING compared to what she is going to do to them now. She fights her emotional outrage – that takes a page to write about – and the whole incident reminds her of her father, before he divorced her mother, before he ran off with that Realtor that sold exclusive beach front property. She is still angry at her father, which is why – she thinks – that she ended up cheating on her husband (the fifth person), with another WOMAN. Now she is mad. Now she is crazed! Now she is gurgling her words as she races through the streets of the town she is racing through the streets in. She is going to go do something to the first two people NOW!
So she goes there. But when she arrives, there are police cars everywhere. There is lots of that DO NOT CROSS yellow tape everywhere. A crowd of indistinct people have formed over there, beyond your view, but still – you just KNOW they are there. She doesn’t stop. She keeps going and turns at the next street and at the next again. She parks her car and moves through an alley. (There is always an alley). She sees the house of the first two people. She hops the fence. (Hop!) She goes to the back door. It is open just a bit. She walks inside carefully. Quietly. And then she sees…standing right in front of her…the sixth person: her GIRLFRIEND; the one she is having an affair with.
And the sixth person screams, which is what she did the last time she ran into the first two people when there were at the fourth person’s house and discovered that he was dead. This time, she just screams and does not run away, because that would be pretty stupid since she knows the third person is her girlfriend. And the second person yells at her and asks her what she has done. Except she says it like: What have you DONE, because she can see the first two people dead on the floor right behind the sixth person, who is her girlfriend. (Get it?)
After that I’m not sure what happens. It seems a little crazy at this point. I’ll need a setting. I can work on that for a while and then return to the storyline – PLOT. It is called a plot. I knew that.